Relationship anxiety, it’s a thing. Choose love instead of fear..

Choose love

Last weekend we were out at The Art Gallery of SA, celebrating our 16th anniverary, reliving our early days – we met at art school by the way. I randomly thought, “What is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do?” To choose LOVE ❤️ was my answer.

I felt embarrassed but also amazed because LOVE is also the part of life that gives me the greatest gift. That beautiful feeling of bliss, flow and contentment. If it was easy to sustain love, there wouldn’t be such high divorce, domestic violence or suicide rates.

16 years of marriage, but 21 yrs of life, family and business together. I honestly can’t believe we’re not divorced. It’s been tough, with plenty of fun in the sun of course, but sometimes it’s hard work. We’ve been through our fair share of crap, with parents dying of cancer and PSP -a rare shitty disease. All while trying to stay happy and present raising our babies, very hard to do, I am sure most of you know, death of loved ones is never pretty or easy.

We’ve been to couples counselling 5 times over the years

Each time with valuable wisdom that kept us together and choosing ❤️. We’re back in couples coaching again… because we want our lives to be better together. We don’t want to just survive, we want to thrive! I’m sharing this because I know how hard it is to say yes to getting help. How shame, blame, sadness and stress can keep us stuck in shitty cycles of survival.

I have experienced plenty of relationship anxiety in my time, whether it’s with my partner, kids, family or friends, it’s a real thing. Worrying about what I did or didn’t do or say. Complaining about what they didn’t do or say. Judging others for not living up to my expectations. Not communicating my needs and boundaries. This is where the real work is.

Learn to communicate your needs and boundaries, it is a skill you will improve over time. It is empowering to ask for what you want, and communicate what you will not tolerate. It is sometimes necessary to ask for help when you feel stuck in the mud.

I share because as you may know I am a healer and energy coach

Although I help people identify, release and resolve their trauma; we all have our wounds. Sometimes we need to reach out for help, we get stuck and can’t see our blindspots, the path ahead or the next step. We all have yin and yang energy, our dark shadow work, to heal and grow, and not one of us is perfect.

Like the tiny seed in the ground that is nourished into life in the darkness, bursts open and reaches up toward the light. In the darkness lies our greatest growth, turn toward your pain points to overcome them. Do the inner work, it’s hard but worth it.

Experiencing the biennial art show on the weekend, a part of the Adelaide Festival, it reminded me how deep and dark artists and humans can go. Two creative people living in the same house, woah! It gets deep and dark, we are learning how to support each other again.

If you need recommendations of couples counsellors or coaches, I have some for you. 🙏

If you find yourself stuck in frantic, frazzled or frumpy energy, I invite you to learn more here about One on One Coaching with me and how I can help shift that energy to calm, confident and connected. For a free 30 minute chat to discuss what’s going on with you Book here.

Choosing ❤️ again. With my beautiful man, an art loving, ocean loving, peace loving, earth loving man.

Toni xx